To my darling dad 20/12/2010 Today DAD I need to say farewell to you . not going to say goodbye but farewell . Please believe and understand my heart is telling me ( don’t do it ) but my soul is telling me I need to let you move on in your spiritual life DAD. You have gone to pastures new. no more suffering or pain for you DAD I wouldn’t change this for the world . Life on earth can be cruel sometimes making you suffer . I cant bring you back why do I keep trying I know I’m properly holding you back not giving you opportunities to move on while I’m grieving which isn’t fair to you. Please believe I couldn’t help grieving for you DAD .I miss you so very much That will never stop. I miss talking to you I understand I shouldn’t stop just because you have moved on to your spiritual life may be you do listen when I think of you The last six months I have grieved and felt guilty because I couldn’t say goodbye to you which was difficult to deal with because seven weeks before I saw nanny ruby in chapel of rest and said my goodbyes which helped my grieving process. But you are my DAD and I know in my heart you put every obstacle in my way to stop me seeing you because you knew it would finish me thank you DAD with all my heart. A fathers love is the best. I remember the hardest days in my life when I lost you DAD. Maybe writing about them will ease the pain . Firstly the worst day of my life was returning home from Wales after you had passed leaving mum behind was difficult I wanted to stay with mum forever but I knew I had to come home to Tony and the boys because they needed me as well. My feelings were torn apart I didn’t know were to run or turn . The coach journey home was the worst because I so much wanted to get off the coach at Cardiff find the hospital and say goodbye to you because I knew you’re body was there but it wasn’t my dad was it he moved on to his spiritual family at that time my body felt so heavy was unable to move of the coach which was properly for the best DAD because I would have never reached home . The second day was the day of your funeral we waited so long to get confirmation when your funeral was taken place it all became a blur . I stood outside waiting for your coffin to appear my god my knees trembled with fear how would I cope with out you actually I think Tony caught me when my knees buckled when you arrived life became reality my daddy was gone . The longest journey to the chapel then we arrived it all became confusing we were supposed to walk your coffin down the aisle side by side but there wasn’t much room. So we all became one placing our hands on your coffin I held you close I could feel you’re love dad passing though . I wanted to make you proud and give you respect you deserved I was so confused I didn’t even hear the song I dedicated to you DAD I choose BETTE MIDLER because you are my hero DAD you mean the world to me .I will always treasure every moment we shared together. Today DAD myself and mum discussed we should let you move on . so over the Christmas holidays we are going to toast farewell to you remember not goodbye but farewell DAD because I will never stop praying we will meet again in my spiritual life . I will try to stop the grieving as much as I can but can not promise . I want you to be happy and the pain in my heart to stop so commitment to say farewell shall be. I pray you will visit me in my dreams and continue with the messages from the spiritualist church . I love you DAD but its time to let you enjoy your spiritual life . I will never forget you remember me forever your daughter Tara xxx Love you dad